|
|
|
Think you've got what it takes to become a member of ZeeBros Fishing Team ?
Take this simple test. Don't cheat and answer honestly. Send us your test results and we'l bring it before the Review Commitee.
Only real men need aply.
|
|
|
Man Test
Note: Although this is a test for men only and all "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions, women will also benefit by reviewing them so they get to understand men and thereby enrich their own lives.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter.
As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present
you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite
supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all
over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him
know that, for business reasons, you have to
have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been dating a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the
two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football
game. She's reading the papers and suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's
not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. You sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. Although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. You cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife, is quietly trying to discard his underwear.
9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they
finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when theyfinally
got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
|
|
|
ZeeBros Oath
I promise that, as a ZeeBro, I will do my best to do my duty, to honor my country and to fart in elevators crowded with self-important, pretentious Yuppies turning their noses up at me. I will never drive a BMW, SUV or mountain bike for my health. I will never whine, bitch or complain that it's too hot, too cold or that the chum tastes funny. The word " can't " doesn't exist in my vocabulary. I will be true to the Brotherhood of ZeeBros and will sacrifice my beer to the Elders. I promise these things, so help me Neptune.
|
 |
|
|
|
